After losing her husband, “Beatrice” turned to an online dating site for seniors during the COVID-19 pandemic. There, she quickly matched with someone she believed to be a 66-year-old Spanish lumberjack who bore a striking resemblance to her late husband.
“I missed having him here to talk to about what was going on in the world,” Beatrice, whose real name is withheld for privacy, told Homeland Security Investigations (HSI). “Someone suggested I try online dating, and this guy’s pictures popped up. He wasn’t George Clooney, but he looked so much like my husband.”
For four months, the man built trust with Beatrice through text messages and phone calls, eventually asking her for money. Unfortunately, Beatrice’s experience is not uncommon. In 2022, more than 70,000 people in the U.S. reported falling victim to romance scams, according to the Federal Trade Commission. These con artists, often using fake identities, manipulate vulnerable individuals and steal their savings.
Online dating has become more common, with around 40% of couples now meeting online, according to Stanford University. However, romance scams disproportionately affect older adults, who reported losing $240 million to such scams in 2022, per the Department of Homeland Security (DHS).
The Emotional Trap of Romance Scams
Data privacy expert Marva Bailer explains how difficult it can be for family members to intervene when a loved one falls for an online scam. “Parents can become emotionally attached, mistaking flattery for affection. Initially, they may send small sums of money, believing they’re helping a loved one, but as trust builds, they become vulnerable to significant financial loss. It’s a delicate balance for families—trying to protect their loved ones without compromising their autonomy.”
While U.S. authorities have traced some of these scams to West Africa, particularly Ghana, where wire transfers surged from $500 million in 2010 to $4.6 billion in 2023, scammers can operate from anywhere. Tracking them is notoriously difficult once they vanish.
Common Warning Signs of Romance Scams
Romance scammers employ various tactics to gain their victims’ trust. According to the FBI and Federal Trade Commission, these are some of the most common red flags:
- The person claims to live or work abroad.
- They use improper grammar despite claiming proficiency in English.
- They often claim to be significantly younger than their victim.
- Their online presence is sparse, with few photos or social media activity.
- They share generic, often AI-generated, images depicting a luxurious lifestyle.
- They send or request explicit photos.
- They constantly delay plans to meet in person, often offering last-minute excuses.
- If video calls do occur, the person’s face is hard to see clearly.
- They try to move conversations off dating platforms to private messaging apps like WhatsApp or Telegram.
- They quickly profess their love or “love bomb” their target.
- They bring up cryptocurrency investments or foreign markets and send suspicious links.
- They become combative when questioned about their authenticity.
- Their backstory seems implausible or inconsistent.
Steps to Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones
- Be Cautious About What You Share Online
Limit the personal details you reveal on social media and dating sites. Scammers often use this information to manipulate and deceive their targets. Data privacy expert Zarik Megerdichian advises creating an alternate email for dating profiles and using an anonymous username. - Watch for Red Flags
Stay alert for unsolicited messages and avoid sending compromising photos. These images can be used for blackmail. Romance scammers often use social media to find victims and, once trust is gained, ask for money before disappearing. - Verify Early
Approach online relationships cautiously. Set up a phone or video call early in the relationship. DHS warns that poor-quality video calls or unnatural facial movements may indicate the use of deepfake technology. - Do Your Research
Use tools like Google’s reverse image search to verify the authenticity of photos. If the same image appears elsewhere online, you may be dealing with a scammer. - Never Send Money
No matter how convincing or heartfelt the story, never send money to someone you’ve only met online. Psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert points out that emotional vulnerability, especially in older adults, makes them prime targets for scammers. Instead, suggest they seek help from local emergency services or their own families.
Conclusion: Safeguarding Your Heart and Finances
Online dating can offer meaningful connections, but it also presents risks. Always approach online relationships with caution, and stay aware of the signs of potential scams. If you suspect that you or a loved one is being targeted by a romance scam, don’t hesitate to take protective measures and seek advice from trusted sources. By staying informed and vigilant, you can protect yourself and those you care about from the emotional and financial consequences of these malicious schemes.