Reports :

Thank you so much for your new letter Richard and for your picture, which I like very much! Thanks for you gave me answers and understanding to those special questions that I asked you last time! For me it was really very important! Deep inside of myself I was afraid, that maybe for you our communication is not as interesting and important as it's for me. I'm glad that it was just usual wrong woman's fear (smile). You know, most of women like to think about something too much and worry then. Earlier, I thought that it's not my nature, but now I see that sometimes it's appearing in my life either (smile). And I really expected your new letter with great impatience! And if to tell you about woman's fears I even was afraid that you may stop writing at all… No, I have no any serious reason to think so! But during last time sometimes I can't understand myself. I can't understand some of my fears or thoughts. It's like something is changing inside of me, but I can't understand how and why this happens. Maybe later I be able to find answers and explanations to all this. But I may say for sure, that all this started after you appeared in my life. After we started to exchange letters, share our ideas, emotions, past and current life's experience… I really don't understand yet, if they are good changes in me and if it's necessary to me or not? It seems that never before I had so many questions without answers… But now I have such feeling, that I should continue do everything as I did before with you. I mean I need to develop our communication further! To become even more opened for you. And to see what I get in response from you. Because in your letters I also may see and feel that all this is mutual desire. I see that your interest also becomes stronger from letter to letter. And I afraid… I afraid that I can fall in love with you... I afraid that it's may happen so fast. I afraid that it wouldn't be really mutual and my heart can be broken… I really afraid to get this strong pain in my life. I think that for somebody words "I love you" means nothing, if it written in text. Or even somebody may tell this without having this feeling… But not for me! I never say this words if I don't feel it! I'm never going to play with somebody's heart since I know how much pain it brings. I think I should stop here about all my fears, questions and concentrate on something else (smile). Yes, of cause I understood what you mean about physical letter and understand why you suggested it.

Oh, yes, I know what to tell you about next in my letter today (smile). Yesterday evening I had a meeting with Neeno again. I think this meeting was very necessary to me. In my first part of this letter you may see how many questions I have to myself this days (smile). And I decided that my friend may help me to find a few answers to it. As she knows me enough time and she has her own sad life experience in the past. I think I already wrote you about it in one of my previous letters. So, we went to drink a tea with a dessert to local cafe. I think we spent about 2 hours together in that cafe (smile). Because when we have interesting subject to discuss we don't look at the watches. And this time we spoke about me (smile). I shared with Neeno how I met you, how we started to correspondent, how learn each other and so on. I told her many good things about you, about how I like our communication. And in the end of my story I told her about everything what is inside of me now. I saw that all this was very interesting to my friend. She listened to me very attentively and looks for my emotions, ****** expressions while I was told her all this. And do you know what say as her opinion (smile)? She told me that according to my look, my intonation, my shining eyes I already fell in love with you, but I'm afraid to admit it to myself. She also told me that according what I told her about you, you should be very good, wise and interesting man. And that I shouldn't afraid anything. That I should continue our communication and understand for sure all this by myself.

It was opinion of my friend about this situation. I didn't argue to her, I just understood that I need some more time to understand if she was right or not. I'm telling you all this for you to know what happening here in my life, inside of me, my head and my heart. It's my way to become maximal open for you. To not hide anything. To not be afraid. Since I believe only such way of communication may do our relations maximal sincere, bright and filed with live emotions. For even through text you could see and feel it. And I really hope that together we can do it enough fast. Now, after I wrote you all this, I understand that I have nothing to hide from you. I have nothing to afraid or keep in myself. Because you are really good man, you may hear me, understand me and never judge. One more time I tell you, that I really glad that you appeared in my life! And on this I want to finish this my letter. I even don't know what to ask you in this letter else (smile)? Just simple question, what do you think about my whole today's letter? Maybe I wrote you all this in my letter in vain and you expected something different? You may also let me know how is your life there? What's interesting was in it during last days? Don't forget that you always may share to me all your thoughts and of cause pictures (smile). Will miss you. Yours Esmi p.s. I decided to send you this strange picture. Neeno make it recently. And it symbolizes as if I am looking in the mirror at me "new". As if I'm trying to understand what has changed in me lately? And I know one answer for sure. I began to smile more often and this smile is sincere.